ngy

Writer’s Note:  I wrote this after seeing the backlash from my fellow Christians.  I read the “I am not a disgrace women” piece going viral on social media, then I read this, AND this rebuttal.  I felt conflicted because both had great points, but the march didn’t bother me at all. 

And then I read this masterful piece by Jesus Feminist, Sarah Bessey.  And I was blown away because I finally found someone stuck in the middle of this mess with me.  I wholeheartedly believe ALL of our experiences matter.  I felt compelled to write about mine.

Here’s my story.

One needn’t identify as a feminist to participate in the redemptive movement of God for women in the world. The Gospel is more than enough – of course it is! But as long as I know how important maternal health is to Haiti’s future, and as long as I know that women are being abused and raped, as long as I know that girls are being denied life itself through selective abortion, abandonment, and abuse, as long as brave little girls in Afghanistan are being attacked with acid for the crime of going to school, and until being a Christian is synonymous with doing something about these things, you can also call me a feminist.

-Sarah Bessey

To be frank, I am at a crossroads.

You probably weren’t expecting to hear this from a conservative Christian and registered Republican, but I sincerely thank you for marching.  I thank you for peacefully marching for something you are passionate about.

I thank you for not getting violent and demonstrating to protesters across the nation that it can get done without getting arrested.

I can stand behind most of your issues and I thank you for your courage.

(Now to those “on the other side,” please hear my heart before clicking & clacking on your keyboards to inform me how misguided I am…)

Our views are constantly evolving because of our experiences in life.  

Perhaps I didn’t have it as hard as other women, perhaps I am privileged and I will never be able to fully fathom the struggle of others who don’t look like me, or think like me, and have a different upbringing than me, but it would be irresponsible to discredit them and undermine their experiences because I never lived what they lived.  Just because we don’t acknowledge their plight, it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.  We could argue about personal responsibilities and what not, but I think we can all agree on one thing:  we DON’T have the same opportunities.  Whether you believe that’s how it should be or not, it’s not up to debate on this post…

I also hope you don’t discredit my experience and if it is true and you believe in these slogans, “love trumps hate” and “we are stronger together,” then keep on reading.

Let’s recognize the big elephant in the room:  I am pro-life.  I am not just anti-abortion, but I am pro-life from the moment we’re conceived until the last breath we will ever draw.

Unfortunately, pro-life feminists felt excluded at this march and some were ridiculed and treated with the same intolerance you are fighting against.

As far as being a feminist, I think I am, but maybe you wouldn’t consider me one because of this one issue.  When in college, I had the opportunity to host one of the directors of the ACLU of Miami to participate in a discussion-type TV show I was producing for one of my Communication classes.  I was genuinely interested in starting an honest and non-biased dialogue about abortion from different perspectives.  As soon as she discovered I had also invited a Catholic pro-life group, not only did she back out, but she treated me horribly and kicked me out their offices with such hatred and foul language.

Hence, I stood on the sidelines this time around.

I am pro-life, but it isn’t just because of my faith and belief that life begins at conception. I am pro-life because my mom almost aborted me.  And if she had, it would have been the wrong choice.  She didn’t believe the doctors who insisted on the risk of having me.  She believed I deserved a chance.  I also believe the words tattooed on my back,

“Every breath is a second chance.”

I believe my life verse, Psalm 22:10, “From my mother’s womb, You have been my God.”

I believe God has a purpose for ALL OF US from the moment we’ve been conceived.

From a young age, I’ve learned to “agree to disagree.”  Sometimes, my husband and I get into fiery debates because I always seem so centrist in political matters, but in reality, I simply recognize I haven’t formed an opinion because I haven’t lived through the matter.  He’s my favorite person to debate because he is open to learn and understand like I am.  Although we disagree on some things, we wrote-in the same third party candidate that we felt best represented us.  It seems like we always reach the same conclusion in the end.

So my testimony is also a big reason why I thank you. 

I wasn’t always a Christian, but I knew of Jesus because of my Catholic upbringing.  I also attended Catholic schools all my life, from pre-school to college.  I knew of Jesus, but I didn’t know Him in a personal and relational level.  We went to church and sat on these very uncomfortable pews every Christmas and Easter to celebrate the birth, death, and resurrection of this historical figure, Jesus.  I would write letters and poems to/about Jesus in my self-decorated notebook, but at the age of 8, I still didn’t fully grasp salvation.  My mom started searching for more and became an Evangelical Christian in my teens and pretty much forced my family to partake in church every Sunday, where the seats were at least more cushion-y.

In Puerto Rico, where I was born and raised, I saw a divide between Catholics and Protestants.  Most of my friends, if they had to choose, considered themselves Catholics.  Both sides would look down on each other and instead of standing on common ground, they chose to bicker on their differences.  That didn’t stop me from being friends with Catholics.  One day, we were honoring the Virgin of Divine Providence, who happens to be the patroness of Puerto Rico and I decided not to participate.  My third-grade teacher thought I was being disrespectful and made me pray ten Hail Mary’s in front of Our Lady of Divine Providence statue.  As a young girl, I protested against the school and their administrators for imposing certain traditions on me.

I didn’t know it then, but this teacher helped me find my voice.

When I moved to Miami Beach at the age of 13, my mom was into this Jesus thing more than I was.  Eventually, I fell in love with Jesus because of what He stood for.  I was 15 when I decided to have my own personal relationship with Him.

He stands for righteousness and justice and freedom for all. But He is also meek and a gentleman whose sole purpose is to love and offer grace and forgiveness to those who accept Him.  He doesn’t promise an easy life, but He stands by us with compassion, kindness and mercy as our Healer and Comforter.  He loved this world so much that it drove Him to His death.  He loves us all even when we don’t care for Him.

In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

-1 John 4:9-11

He went from being a historical figure to my Savior. 

At the time, I attended a Catholic high school and developed a constructive relationship with my Theology teacher.  She was someone I admired and respected because of our conversations about faith and life.  She was not only a friend, she was not only a mentor, but she was also Catholic.

When fellow Christians would ask me about my testimony, I would always give credit to the Catholic Church for helping me in my journey of faith.  My testimony wasn’t always well-received because of this and it would spark debates about the difference between the denominations.  How could I give credit to a religion that prays to Mary and makes their congregants confess their sins to a priest and not God?  But I will never shy away from the influence my Catholic education had on me as it taught me the importance of accountability and community.

I give credit where credit is due.

So some of you are still scratching your heads,  how can I thank a group of women who fight for the right to abortion?

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places.

-Ephesians 6:12

I thank you because you challenge me.  Because you make me do my research and you make me find my voice just like my third-grade teacher helped me then.  She wasn’t my enemy.  And ladies, you are not my enemy; therefore, I will not treat you like one.

In times of hardship and injustice, it is much easier to hide inside our shells and hope for the best.  However, those are the crucial times when we need to rise up and find our voices.  Most recently, I went through a period of disillusionment with a church leader; but this experience was the catalyst in me as sometime and somewhere between third-grade and now I had forgotten my voice because of complacency.  A counselor and pastor helped me understand the importance of using my voice because my feelings do matter.  Our feelings matter, but it is what we do with them that matter the most…

I didn’t vote for Trump either, but I disagree on some of your methods and your choice of inflammatory words. 

I don’t think Hollywood and the media represent me and I partly blame them for normalizing promiscuity and the objectification of women.  I don’t think picking on President Trump’s 10-year old son or any of his family members further your cause.  I don’t think mocking him will change the fact that He is our president and just like you demanded your adversaries to respect President Obama, you now must follow your own advice.  I really don’t think showing your breasts and dressing up in female genitalia attire send a message of diplomacy.  I don’t think “blowing up the White House” is the solution and statements such as these, and others, don’t really get you anywhere.

Your critics see you doing what you are so vehemently against yet you inflict the same kind of intolerance on those who disagree with you.

“When they go low, we go high,” remember?

Although we may not see eye to eye on everything, there are issues I agree with you such as equal pay for women, affordable day-care, and paid maternity leave.  But I didn’t understand these issues until I experienced them myself.  I was saddened when I was heavily encouraged to stop working after having my son, instead of seeking God on the matter and letting the Holy Spirit convict me on it.  I was disappointed in the little time I got to spend with my baby boy before I had to return to work.  I didn’t feel like I received the help and the support I needed, which eventually led me to make a choice.  I chose to stay home with my son for this season.  And I’m learning to love it, but it takes time to adapt, right?

I thank you because if it wasn’t for women like you, I wouldn’t have the privilege to vote.

And I thank you because “abortion rates have dropped to the lowest number since just after Roe V. Wade.” This decline is due to affordable birth control and access to education, which you so strongly fight for.

But call me an idealist, I hope someday we come to the point when abortions are no longer necessary and we recognize the truth about what they truly are — the genocide of the unborn.

I finally thank you because the march wasn’t just about us women, but you opened the platform for others who also feel marginalized and whose voices are being silenced.

I pray for more conversations because either side will always be discontent when the other gets their way.  And we shouldn’t celebrate on someone else’s loss, but understand their experiences.  We shouldn’t look down on people who think differently, but we should invite the challenge.

And if we ever find a cause to march for, by all means, let our voices be heard!

I’m thankful I don’t expect any political leader to be perfect because my hope isn’t in the President, the House, or the Senate.

My hope is solely founded in Christ alone.

Politicians will always fail us, even those we vote for.

Church Leaders will disappoint us, even those we trust.

Christ is the only perfect leader we all desire and the good news is that He resides in the hearts of those who call on Him and love Him.

And I pray you get to know Him in such an intimate way because He will grant you the kind of contentment and joy the government never will.

If anyone teaches otherwise and does not consent to wholesome words, even the words of our Lord Jesus Christ, and to the doctrine which accords with godliness,  he is proud, knowing nothing, but is obsessed with disputes and arguments over words, from which come envy, strife, reviling, evil suspicions,  useless wranglings of men of corrupt minds and destitute of the truth, who suppose that godliness is a means of gain. From such withdraw yourself.

 Now godliness with contentment is great gain.  For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out.  And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content.  But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation and a snare, and into many foolish and harmful lusts which drown men in destruction and perdition.  For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evil, for which some have strayed from the faith in their greediness, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.

But you, O man of God, flee these things and pursue righteousness, godliness, faith, love, patience, gentleness. Fight the good fight of faith, lay hold on eternal life, to which you were also called and have confessed the good confession in the presence of many witnesses.

-1 Timothy 6:3-12