This is a five-part series on allowing the wisdom of God to heal us from life’s disappointments:

Intro: The Art of Traveling Light

Part 1: How to Travel Light in a Heavy World: Wisdom Takes Time

Part 2: How to Travel Light in a Heavy World: Wisdom is Free

Part 3: How to Travel Light in a Heavy World: Wisdom Requires Faith

Part 4: How to Travel Light in a Heavy World: Wisdom Works with Humility

Wisdom Isn’t Reliant Upon Worldly Success

For no sooner has the sun risen with a burning heat than it withers the grass; its flower falls, and its beautiful appearance perishes. So the rich man also will fade away in his pursuits.

James 1:11

In one of my cruising experiences, I recall my attempt to rock climbing.

I kept wondering, as I looked up, how I was going to get there without rejoicing in the steps I had successfully made.

I failed and gave up.  I quit too soon.

The rock walls we climb in our lives are truly infinite yet we are never satisfied on the steps we’ve already achieved.

We just want more and we can never get enough.  We want to keep climbing even when we are where we need to be.  This isn’t to say we should settle, but to really ponder if our destination will truly provide the gratification we are truly seeking.

When I was younger, I remember wrapping bed sheets around my body and wearing pillowcases on my head to create my own wedding dress.  I would grab the fresh-cut flowers out of my mother’s vase and her high heels from her closet and would strut my way down our apartment hall pretending I was walking down the aisle.

Then as I sang some lullabies,  I would gently rock my dolls to sleep as if they were my own babies.

But then came school. My passion for education thrived as I moved on to a different grade every year.  Those dreams about having a husband and a baby slowly fainted as the idea of obtaining a career of some sort became a priority.  I had various interests and couldn’t really focus on one area of concentration, but all I ever wanted was success.  I wanted to be known for something really special, but I didn’t know what.  I wavered between journalism, writing, meteorology, and psychology.

Nothing really stuck in the end.

I was an ambitious straight A student who sought perfection in every project I was ever assigned.  While in college, a professor/college advisor made the awful mistake of giving me a 99 without any red marks on my ten-page paper.  I was so proud of this paper I wrote and I was striving for a perfect grade.  I had even taken it to the writing lab on campus to ensure perfection.  The writing lab staff reprimanded me for taking time away from people that actually needed their help.  Although a bit embarrassed, I had never felt so accomplished about a project… until I saw the grade.

On the tenth page, he even wrote, “Perfection” with a smiley face.  A 99 isn’t “perfection,” a 100 is.  It took a few days, but I finally worked up the courage and bravely confronted him about it.  We argued for fifteen minutes until he confessed to me that he never gives a 100 because it is impossible to be perfect.  He then complimented me for being very close, but he wasn’t going to change the grade and I was wasting my time trying to convince him otherwise.  I was furious, then why write “perfection” in a paper that was not perfect in his eyes?  Now more than ever I feel like that smiley face he drew wasn’t genuine but merely a ploy of sarcasm utilized to highlight the fact that my “perfect” paper was not, in fact, perfect.

But, alas, I respected his position and waved the white flag.

I told myself in order to be successful, I had to be perfect. 

But that was a lie.  In order to be successful, I must be wise.

I may be a perfectionist, but our society is highly obsessed with the exhibitionism of success.   If what we offer to others is to show how successful and worthy we are on the outside, then what is left inside of us?

In the pursuit of impressing others, we are left feeling dispirited when our words and actions don’t match our identity.  We end up feeling like empty phonies who waver between living out our reputation (how people see us) and our character (who we really are).

I dread the moments I’m in a gathering of people I barely know because I don’t know how to spark conversations and what to casually (and inorganically) ask random people.  Thank God I wasn’t graded on “small talk” in school, or else, they would have had to create a grade lower than F in order to give me.

A few years ago while I was a restaurant server, customers would constantly make the assumption I was still in high school.  Talk about awkward small talk, but I always corrected them with “I’m actually in my mid-20s,” then what they asked me next was the reason I would sometimes go home feeling down on myself.  They would ask me, “oh, what do you want to do for a living then?,” or ” what do you want to do when you grow up?,” as if what I currently did wasn’t enough or I wasn’t grown up enough.

Then I got married, not enough.

I got promoted, not enough.

I became a mom, still, not enough.

I still wanted to travel more, write more, and relate to people more. 

But I wanted to do more in order to be able to answer these questions with self-confidence and show them how successful I’ve become.

While I was pregnant, I was told by numerous people to quit my job because holding a career would be selfish in the long run.  I was also strongly advised to work less hours.  But I was told the opposite as well.  Working moms, they say, do a better job raising independent children because they learn they don’t need mommy for everything.

Unlike school, there is more than one answer when it comes to marriage, parenting, career and life, but I’m constantly seeking for the one perfect answer that will lead me to success.  And such answer doesn’t exist as much as they say it does.  My head was spinning with all the advice I was receiving from well-intentioned church-going people and the books they would often gift me.  I read a few until I realized the contradictions.  For my own well-being, I had to stop trying to define success according to other people’s standards and learn God’s definition of success in my own life.  And most importantly, His timing…

Then I read James 1:11 and realized I had been looking at this with the wrong perspective.  We may find comfort in our own ambitions and successes, but as the grass withers and the flower dies, so will we in our pursuits.

Most people hope to be successful, but with true success comes leadership.  As real and successful leaders, we are to do absolutely nothing with selfish ambition and everything we do must be out of the best interest of others. (Philippians 2:3-4)

Overall, leadership is one of the most coveted positions because it offers its rewarding moments, but it also comes with a pricey cost.  When we look at leaders around the world, their success tends to be driven by how much money they can make, how big and luxurious their houses are, and how many expensive cars they own.  We never see the risks they’ve had to make, or the investments they’ve had to sacrifice, or how many hours they have to work in a week.

But then there’s church leadership, which only promises the development and discipleship of its congregants and is solely others-centered.   There’s generally no fancy cars or houses, but church leaders still make the same sacrifices in their time and efforts as executives make for their own businesses.  Unfortunately, the dangerous notion of bringing worldly success within the church walls may exist and it becomes highly detrimental to the growth of the people there.

How are we able to discern?

The following are signs of thriving, biblically wise and successful leaders:

To aspire to leadership is an honorable position.

1 Timothy 3:1

1.  Wise leaders do not gain confidence in themselves, but in the Lord. (Philippians 4:13)
2. Wise leaders practice meekness.  (Numbers 12:3)
3. Wise leaders hold, encourage and celebrate honorable ambitions.  They should be selflessly pursuing a vision to expand the kingdom of God.  (Jeremiah 45:5)
4. Wise leaders shepherd their people with integrity of heart.  They are who they are in front of you as they are behind closed doors.  (Psalm 78:72)
5. Wise leaders follow the example of Jesus and recognize their mere existence isn’t “to be served, but to serve.” (Matthew 20:28)
6. Wise leaders understand they can’t do everything on their own and learn the masterful art of delegation.  They entrust people with important responsibilities and give them the opportunity to shine in their strengths and grow in their weaknesses.  (Exodus 18:25-26)
7. Wise leaders influence up and coming leaders to rise up.  They are teachers who mentor their successors and are not afraid to let go of their position when it’s time.  (2 Timothy 2:2; 2 Timothy 4; Paul to Timothy)
8. Wise leaders are repentant leaders; they are quick to admit when they are wrong.  (Matthew 5:23-24)
9. Wise leaders know to forgive those who have wronged them.  (Matthew 18:15-17)
10. Wise leaders will express their appreciation, but will not demonstrate favoritism as it doesn’t belong in the house of God.  Favoritism causes division when the church is supposed to unify their members.  In his second chapter, James heavily admonishes leaders who give favoritism.

My brethren, do not hold the faith of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Lord of glory, with partiality.  For if there should come into your assembly a man with gold rings, in fine apparel, and there should also come in a poor man in filthy clothes, and you pay attention to the one wearing the fine clothes and say to him, “You sit here in a good place,” and say to the poor man, “You stand there,” or, “Sit here at my footstool,”  have you not shown partiality among yourselves, and become judges with evil thoughts?

As you can imagine, leadership comes with a high calling because we are not always going to be able to do everything right.  God knows this already, but He still calls and equips those who are willing to be transformed through the process of sanctification.  When it was time to ordain David, God told Samuel, “The Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel 16:7)

The King’s heart is in the hand of the Lord, like the rivers of water; He turns it wherever He wishes.  Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the Lord weighs the hearts.

Proverbs 21:1-2

It isn’t about how excellent or experienced we may be, but God desires a humble leader who is teachable and willing to teach others.  God doesn’t look at our resume or which college we graduated from, but He wants our hearts to desire Him and godly Mother Wisdom to instruct us how to live honorably and selflessly for others.

Joey Tribbiani (Matt LeBlanc, Friends) once said,

When the package is this pretty, no one cares what’s inside.

I know one person who cares.

His name is Jesus.