Surely I have calmed and quieted my soul,

Like a weaned child with his mother;

Like a weaned child is my soul within me.

O Israel, hope in the Lord

From this time forth and forever.

Psalm 131:2-3

The Olympics have interrupted normalcy in the Velsor household.  Some of our TV programming has been delayed due to it, but I’ve learned to quickly adapt.

I’m not competitive by nature; in fact, they are all winners in my eyes.  These strong and courageous athletes have earned my respect, even if they go home without a medal.  They are capable of doing what I’m never going to be able to achieve.  Watching them all compete brought me back to the first Olympics I remember  back in 1996.  I was a chicken nugget lover– scrawny 10 year old child with the ambition of being “one of them.”  Looking back now, I regret never having “that thing,” the aim to achieve something so great; a skill that would almost consume my whole life.  In part, I am equally thankful I am not being consumed by anything because of my OCD and perfectionist tendencies, I wouldn’t really have a life outside of my main focus.

My husband wholeheartedly disagrees with me.  Five years ago during the NBA Finals, the Miami Heat “lost” to the Dallas Mavericks on Game 7.  This was the first time I had witnessed Kenny’s deep passion for sports because he was veritably miserable by the results.  Naively, I reminded Kenny how “they are all winners,” and the Mavs were and excellent team and deserved the trophy; but the Heat made it to the Finals, and that’s an accomplishment no other team had that year.  At that moment, I received the dirtiest look he has ever given me… even to this day, I believe I have not seen so much disapproval in his eyes.  He thinks I’m simply seeking consolation in midst of loss, which it’s not true, I genuinely hope to rejoice with my opponent despite my own loss.

Two months shy of getting married and I quickly learned this:

Kenny is the competitive kind and he believes there’s only one true winner:  the one who takes the gold home.

As we were watching Michael Phelps swim to victory, Kenny immediately noticed how focused to his goal he was but his number one competitor, South African Chad le Clos, lost steam as soon as his eyes veered away to Phelps.  That is the epic moment when le Clos “lost” and Phelps won. 

Kenny had to rewind to the moment several times for me to catch it because my oblivious self looked past it, but he honestly didn’t have to as the pictures of this moment are now flooding the internet with the headlines proclaiming this insightful quote:

Winners focus on winning.  Losers focus on winners.

Maybe my interpretation of winning/losing is a bit different than most because when you “lose,” I believe you can still win.  Aly Raisman was the example last night as she competed against one of her teammates, newcomer Simone Biles,  for the gold medal.  As I observed Aly compete gracefully and with focus to win, I realize we don’t always have to “win” in order to win.  She was a team leader by supporting her friend, who was also her competition.  She celebrated like she won the gold medal even though she didn’t win it and she stood by her friend’s side as the results came through.  She wouldn’t stop hugging and encouraging Simone.  I was so moved by that moment because Aly was the true winner last night.

She exemplified how relationships come before any prize or any reward this world may offer.

This isn’t about competitive sports, but about how we relate to one another.  It doesn’t help we decided to watch the Olympics at 11pm last night after we had just come home from a wedding. But nothing is by chance because watching Aly and Simone was a beautiful reminder to focus on what matters in relationships.

If you feel threatened, insecure, jealous or fearful when someone else flourishes and succeeds, then your view of God is too small. Realize that God is HUGE. There is room in His plan for everyone.
Christine Caine

Two of our friends got married last night and as we were witnesses to their union, we re-lived our wedding.  Like Kenny and I, they also had been dating exactly a year before they got married.  They knew despite their flaws and imperfections, they are meant for each other and they have now committed to each other’s growth and growing pains.  The vows that were said, the apprehensive look in their eyes, the excitement in their smiles, the hope of Christ who lives within them… I remember it just like yesterday. Sure, the excitement may fade as the years go by (and children come to life), but there’s nothing like doing every day life with your best friend– not even a gold medal can give us that satisfaction.

Our 5th anniversary is next week (August 21st— also the last day of the Olympics), I can’t help but remind myself of the biggest lesson in human communications:

There’s no point of winning an argument if it means losing a meaningful friendship or relationship.  

Lately, in our discussions, we’ve learned how to “fight fair.”  We may not always agree, but pouting and crossing my arms will not help us find a solution to our problems. Our reactions are what define whether we are truly winners or losers…

In life, we will always lose battles; but what will always be remembered is how we behaved despite the final results.  Our reactions will determine our victories, but some people reverse this.  To them, the results will determine their reactions. 

In the last two months, I have deeply felt the absence of my mom and the loss of my job.  I left ministry heavily wounded and deliberately betrayed by authority, but I was able to reunite with my second family last night as we celebrated the happy couple.  At first, I felt a bit uneasy about making an appearance as I’m in the season of mourning and healing, but I’m eternally thankful I didn’t follow my own advice.  Although it was a bit uncomfortable at times, the experience became so much rewarding than I could have ever expected.

Our reactions also determine our maturity.  The church has seen an awful lot in disagreements among its members; sadly, at times, it doesn’t end very well for one party.  In the New Testament, Paul and Peter were at odds and couldn’t see eye to eye in the execution of their vision.  But they both exemplified maturity despite their disagreements because the Gospel wasn’t about them.  Their mission to evangelize didn’t get interrupted and they didn’t treat one another in disdain.

I’m going to be really blunt as I write this: I have an alter ego living inside of my mind. She’s extremely insightful, intuitive, boisterous, honest, real, and wants to call out all the phonies in the room .  Sometimes, I will envision and fantasize over what I really want to say or do, but then logical and self-controlled Ally kicks in and reminds me that just because I want to say this or do that, it doesn’t always mean that is the best solution for everyone.  (I think that’s INFJ Personality Type–The Advocate in me).

You see, love is at the core of maturity.  In order to genuinely love others, we must “put away childish things” (1 Corinthians 13:11).  Spiritual maturity demands us to “like a weaned child with his mother to hope in the Lord.”  It is about recognizing we are all in this journey together and we are all going to hurt each other in the process.  Being aware of our flawed desires, we must push against them and ultimately rest our hope in the One who can change our hearts to resemble more like His.

As Michael Phelps demonstrated: it takes determination and humility to accept a victory and rise above the fray when negativity is being spoken by your enemy.

As Aly Raisman demonstrated:  it takes true love and maturity to rejoice in someone else’s victory as you suffer loss. 

The arrogant winner is equivalent to the sore loser.

As Hebrews 6:19 reminds us, hope is the anchor of our soul and it will lead us to our final and eternal prize.  Hope should drive us to win even when we lose. In the meantime, let’s celebrate wins and mourn losses together; forgive and let go of the petty and the past; and move forward to fulfill His plan for us on this Earth.  Remember what true victory looks like…

Jesus may have seemed like the biggest loser when nailed to that cross, but he rose and won!

Amen!

Hope Is The Anthem (by Switchfoot from Where The Light Shines Through)

Sometimes what you need is what you fight
Like a wounded man out on the run
Like shadows hiding from the light
But your love is what I was running from

Hope’s a seed you have to sow
When you let it go it comes to life
So you stretch your arrows on the bow
And you pull them back and watch them fly

My heartbeat, my oxygen
My banner, my home
My future, my song
Your hope is the anthem of my soul

My lungs and I were born to fight
Sometimes I’m not sure what I’m fighting for
But death ain’t the only end in sight
Cause this ain’t a battle it’s a lifelong war

 

My heart is beating like a blown speaker
The spirit is willing but the flesh is weaker
A distortion pedal and a pair of wings
And an anthem played on broken strings

Yeah could you make me whole?
(like holy water)