If anyone’s work is burned, he will suffer loss; but he himself will be saved yet so as through fire.

1 Corinthians 3:15

I’m sure you’ve always heard if you pray for patience, be ready to receive opportunities to be patient.  Same applies to getting a tattoo.

Before getting a significant tattoo, be ready to be tested on it!

After five years of marriage (and lots of begging), Kenny finally convinced me to get a tattoo.  If you read one of my previous posts (questi sono i nostri ricordi: these are our souvenirs), you will learn all about my summer in Italy two years ago.  I remember this precious time just as it happened yesterday,  my aunt handed me what at first I thought was an ordinary plate with an ornate flower design; but in reality it was a family heirloom– each family member owns part of my grandmother’s china collection and it was my turn to receive my part.  Anytime we had to travel somewhere during our trip, I held on to this treasure with dear life, knowing it belonged to someone I never had the honor to meet but is still very dear to me.  Kenny kept insisting for me to have the design tattooed on me, but before I really considered it, I wanted to make sure it meant more than just some flowers on my back.

On June 11th, 2014, I remember being on a bus returning to Rome staring at the plate and looking for meaning.  Exactly two years after this date, I found inspiration in my mother’s strength while fighting Ovarian Cancer.  I mustered up the courage to go for the tattoo, adding my life verse and part of my testimony– a tribute to the matriarchs in my family.

But it wasn’t an easy decision, in fact, Kenny had to get a tattoo first in order for me to actually obtain mine.  What we didn’t realize was how these two tattoos ended up being the beginning of our tests during this season of our lives.

Kenny’s tattoo is a tribute to Matthew 6:33:

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.

His tattoo is a popular Christian illustration on priorities:

Jesus sits on the throne while self is sitting at His feet; then all the other priorities in our lives are orbiting around Jesus like the planets orbit the sun.  The sunflower is a symbol of our marriage; the Mickey symbol signifies family; the knives signify his career as chef; and the Christian fish symbolizes ministry.

After my mom’s death and the loss of my job,  we’ve been tested beyond measure on our integrity as Christians.  We are constantly being reminded about who we are serving and the purpose of our service. When we’ve been wronged, it is our desire to demand justice and to witness those who have hurt us pay for their sin.  Every day my flesh and my spirit battle my desire of vengeance and retribution with my desire to follow my mother’s legacy of forgiveness.  

As I grieve both my mother and my job of seven years, God has granted me the opportunity to be Kenny’s wife, Joshua’s mother, and my father Massimo’s daughter.  I’ve also had the opportunity to visit family and dear friends without the stress of time constraints and job duties.  Joshua has also been making new friends and having play dates with them.

Whenever we experience a fire, there will be loss of valuables.  We are not able to save everything from the fires, but we are able to save what matters most to us.  If your house burns down today, what will be the one item (or person) you will grab on your way out to safety?  Who or/and what fulfills us?  Most importantly, are we willing to sacrifice ourselves to ensure someone else’s safety?  All these questions have been invading my mind in the last few weeks because what I thought mattered most doesn’t anymore.

In previous posts, I’ve expressed how much I poured into my job, my ministry for seven years.  It wasn’t just my place of employment, it was truly my second home.  After having Joshua, my priorities shifted and learning to say no was no longer an option for me, but a necessity to keep the order of priorities where they each belong.  Then my mom got really sick and that’s when God asked me to re-evaluate the path I was taking.  When my mom passed away, I had the honor to inherit one of her bibles; inside of it, I found a prayer asking God to re-direct me in my career path.  Specifically, my mom was praying for me to re-consider finding another position that would honor my motherhood and my talents.  She knew of my frustrations and my concerns because I would ask her for guidance every morning I dropped Joshua off to her.  She recognized I wasn’t being valued where I was; I was on the road of being burned out of ministry.  If she only knew, her prayer got answered…

Having to take a stance for truth and righteousness in the face of adversity was a testimony of Abraham-like faith.  For seven years I believed I was simply practicing submission of authority; but we can keep silent and continue working against our own convictions or we can follow our God-given gut and stand up for what is right– most of the times this means losing what we love, but trusting that our sacrifice will be honored in the future.  Varying opinions will try to sidetrack us and distract us from what we know God has commanded us to do.

The most difficult times will come after the fire has seized because the smoke may cloud our vision.  These are the times when doubts of past choices will haunt us and the fear of the future will attempt to keep us crippled and stationed where we are.   Bitterness is at the door waiting to be invited to reside in us and promising us to become our closest ally; but it is merely a scheme to keep us in the past without hope of what’s to come. 

God’s promise beyond the fire test is ahead of us, but we waste our time fantasizing on changing the past to influence our present circumstances.  But the past already happened; the old house has burned.  It’s now time to build on a steady foundation without regrets of the old and with vision of the new.   

If the House Burns Down Tonight (by Switchfoot from Where The Light Shines Through)

Ashes from the flames
The truth is what remains
The truth is what you save
From the fire
And you fight for what you love
Don’t matter if it hurts
You find out what it’s worth
And you let the rest burnThe sunset burns like gasoline
Touch me and make sure that I’m not dreaming
I see her face and my heart skips beats
But I still get the feeling that we’re half asleep andThere’s a spark in the corner of my baby’s eye
Like a distant star that won’t burn quiet
And I might not know what I want from this life
But I know I want more than the starting lineSo give me the fire

I can hear the motor running down the interstate
And all the distractions fade away
And if the house burns down tonight
I got everything I need with you by my side
I see the smoke piling up in the rear view mirror
Yeah but I ain’t ever seen it any clearer
If the house burns down tonight
I got everything I need when I got you by my side
And let the rest burn
And let the rest burn

I’ve given too much of my heart away
My soul’s holding on like a house divided
Like a match it burns down like a masquerade
And I had to let it go when the fire ignited

One heart, two hands, your life is all you hold
To hold, hold tight and let the bitter go
Yeah let it go, and give me the fire

The smoke tries choking the pacific sun
We rocket down the road like we’re shot out of guns
And if the house burns down tonight
I got everything I need with you by my side
Holding you and the wheel and it occurs to me
We’re driving down the edge of eternity
If the house burns down tonight
I got everything I need when I got you by my side
And let the rest burn

Put your hand in mine and
Put your heart in driving
We got everything we need yeah
We got everything we need yeah
Left it all behind us
What we need will find us

We got everything we need yeah
We got everything we need yeah

Can you hear that motor running
Can you hear that motor running
There ain’t no stopping us now
There ain’t no slowing us down

And all those lies that mattered most to me
Were draining me dry making a ghost of me
And if the house burns down tonight
I got everything I need, everything I need
There’s a fire coming that we all will go through
You possess your possessions or they possess you
And if the house burns down tonight
I got everything I need when I got you by my side

And let the rest burn

Ashes from the flames, the truth is what remains