Sonia, A Life Lived Well
Eulogy by Alessandra Velsor
I am my mother’s daughter.
My mom didn’t lose her battle to cancer and we didn’t lose her. Loss describes defeat and misplacement. Ovarian Cancer did not defeat her and she isn’t misplaced. My mom won the prize of Heaven, which she didn’t deserve through her own deeds, but was given to her graciously through the blood of our Savior, Jesus Christ. Through the reassurance of her own faith, we know she’s in Heaven. Ovarian Cancer may have taken her body, but it did not take her spirit.
In Psalm 22, the Messianic Psalm, David paints a picture of the pain and suffering Jesus encountered before and during the crucifixion. This psalm also paints the picture of how much my mother, Sonia, was suffering in her last month. As Jesus screamed in pain, and as my mom expressed a few times in her own pain, and now as we all wonder why:
“Lord, Lord, why have You forsaken me.”
The song Live It Well by Switchfoot comes from an album called “Where the Light Shines Through.” Their music has served as part of my own therapy in the last two months. When I first heard the news of her condition back in April, I wanted to pretend and run away from it. When I was asked by people how my mom was doing, I told them she was doing fine. Watching her suffer was a wake up call. She suffered with joy and she knew there was purpose. Just to give you a bit of perspective how the author describes his music, is something that would have come out of my mom’s lips. This is what he said:
“I’m beginning to realize that “living it well,” means something bigger than just pretending: pretending that everything is OK, pretending that I have all the answers. That living well begins by acknowledging the wound. After all, the dark wounds of our world are inescapable- the wound is you, it’s me, it’s humanity. The wound is Golgotha, the wound is the cross. But rather than running away, let’s embrace the truth about our broken humanity, and the truth will set us free! Let’s not pretend to be well- after all, it’s the sick that need a doctor. No, we are the wounded. Mortally wounded. Darkly wounded. Do we really believe in a Living God who is our redeemer, strong and loving- capable of healing these wounds? If so, then let’s bring our darkness to him. All of it. Life is short I want to live it well.”
My mom’s cancer is where the light shines through
In her sickness, she chose to bless others
Our pain is where the light shines through
In her absence, we will choose to bless others
The song describes her pain in the last weeks as her arms were bruised from all the needles and her lungs had to be drained from all the fluids:
“Take the burden from my arms,
Take the anchors off my lungs
Take me broken and make me one
Break the silence and make it a song.”
Sonia was an authentic soul and she “lived life well.” And as much as some of us saw her weak, we know God was fulfilling His purpose through her, even in that hospital bed. Many times in the month of June we thought, “this is it,” and I would call my husband Kenny to get ready for what I thought was about to happen. But God, my two favorite words, but God took her home in His time, June 23rd, 2016 at 12:25pm; her life wasn’t in our control or the doctors’ control, as we wanted to think. Her life was in better hands, in His hands.
In her weakness, God used her to pray for others and to encourage everyone who visited her. She was such a testimony to me, personally. She exemplified the need of suffering, because without suffering there wouldn’t be any compassion. She reminded me, just like the song:
“Life is short; I wanna live it well
One life, one story to tell
Life is short; I wanna live it well
And You’re the one I’m living for
Awaken all my soul
Every breath that you take is a miracle
Life is short; I wanna live it well.”
Now, I would like to share four lessons my mom has taught me in this grieving process.
In Psalm 22:10-11, David says:
“I was cast upon You from birth. From my mother’s womb, You have been my God. Be not far from me. For trouble is near; for there is none to help.”
First, she taught me to value LIFE
“Every breath that you take IS a miracle” because “every breath is a second chance.” My mom valued life. In 1985, a year before she had me, she was diagnosed with Steven Johnson’s Syndrome. Her body suffered burns from being fatally allergic to sulfur. She miraculously survived. When she found out she was pregnant a year after, she thought it was a miracle also. But doctors advised her to abort me because they believed I wouldn’t make it, and both of our lives would be at risk. As the doctors suggested abortion, she felt me kick her a few times in the womb and she just knew that she couldn’t give up on me. I am eternally thankful to my mom for giving me a chance to breathe life.
Secondly, she taught me to live a life of praise & worship
My mother “sang with all of her heart a lifelong song.” She was always in a spirit of praise & worship, especially at her darkest times. She loved to wake up every morning to spend time in God’s word before she would take care of my son Joshua. She would greet me in the morning with a cup of coffee in the kitchen, with her Bible and her heart open. She had all her notes spread on the table; she kept her journal and those notes in her Bible close to her, they were her treasure. In the past week, I’ve been able to read her notes and I soon learned those notes were actually prayers for others. Prayers directed to family and to friends, who also had their own storms of life. They were prayers directed to myself and what at the time I thought were my “problems.” Prayers directed to you all; there were prayers for strangers. She faithfully volunteered in the new believers & prayer ministry at church. And she faithfully and relentlessly prayed… and in her prayers she praised Him for listening to her, even when she felt she didn’t deserve it.
Thirdly, she taught me to forgive
So, life is short and she lived it well. And she sang her lifelong song “even if some notes came out right and some came out wrong.” My mother not only taught me to praise Him in the storms of life, but she also demonstrated the heart of forgiveness. “Cause she couldn’t take none of that through the door. She lived for more than a funeral. She burnt brighter than the dawn.” My mother knew how fleeting this life is, and she understood people are flawed. Just like she’s played wrong notes, she expected others to “wrong note” her also. In her Bible, I found a letter of forgiveness where she humbly declares freedom in the name of Jesus. She didn’t want to live with the weight anymore. Although she was at her weakest physically, I witnessed how strong her spirit was because she chose to forgive. One of our last conversations, she mentioned to me how God was preparing her to take her to what she called “her family reunion” because God was taking her through the process of purification & sanctification.” I asked her to forgive me for not always listening to her and the wisdom she provided in my life. She recollected a story of the infamous and tall turquoise shoes I begged her to buy me for my 15th birthday. She warned me a few times not to buy them because they looked uncomfortable and I would last 5 minutes wearing them, yet she still bought them because I really wanted them. She was wrong then… I lasted 15 minutes, not 5!
She then asked me to forgive her for not always being the mom I deserved. At that point, we both laughed and admitted to each other: there was nothing to forgive. She wisely reminded me “whose son or daughter listens to his or her parents…that’s just life’s cycle.” Like Solomon says, “nothing is new under the sun.”
Finally, she taught me to give
Unconditional love is sacrificial. “One life, One Love, One Voice and that’s enough, One Heartbeat, Two Hands to give. I got one shot and one life to live. “ My mom gave everything with her two hands and gave it all! She spent most of her days in her kitchen. She loved to cook and make sure that we were all well fed. As she was feeding us lunch, she would ask us what we wanted for dinner because she wanted to start preparing it. It doesn’t matter who you were and whether she liked your or not, she always wanted to feed you! She knew how to be a Mary in a Martha’s world. That’s a gift not a lot of us can find.
I believe wholeheartedly, the Lord allowed my mom to be in remission this last year so she could teach me how to be a mother to Joshua. Exactly on April 8th, a year after Joshua was born, we found out how serious her condition was. We found out her cancer had spread.
To conclude,
I will miss her deeply. I don’t know why, but she always used to brag about me to churchgoers. While working here at The Grill, random people would approach me to ask me if I was Ally. At that point, I knew who had sent them… They would then express to me the kind of impact my mom had on them. If anything I’ve learned through all this, was how much she impacted everyone.
She left big shoes to fill… literally, her shoes are too big for me! Her shoe size is a size bigger than mine.
But her legacy of the value of life, worship, forgiveness, and unconditional love are enormous.
So,
My mom’s cancer is where the light shines through
In her sickness, she chose to bless others
Our pain is where the light shines through
In her absence, we will choose to bless others
The day before she died, the Lord gave me this verse as to prepare me and remind me of the legacy she left my family:
Psalm 103:14-18
“For He knows how weak we are; He remembers we are only dust. Our days on earth are like grass; like wildflowers, we bloom & die. The wind blows, and we are gone—as though we had never been here. But the love of the Lord remains forever with those who fear Him. His salvation extends to the children’s children of those who are faithful to His covenant, of those who obey His commandments.”
Thank you mom for your constant faithfulness and
Thank you ALL for listening and being here with us.
God Bless!
Ally Velsor 