Every Moment Counts

“Therefore we do not lose heart.  Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.  For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen.  For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal…”

– 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

One moment, one second, one decision can change your plans for the weekend, or even for the rest of your life.  Parents always say that growing up, but is it that we just simply forget or do we snooze thinking that it’s too late to practice what we were taught anyway?  In my case, I allowed my emotions take control of my actions and now I sit here pondering what made me react the way I did.  I sit, while I should be at work.  I fellowship, while I should be serving food to those fellowshipping.  I read for insight and pray for forgiveness.  Last night I had a moment of clarity, one simple moment made me look deep into my soul and realize that I’m still that little girl being told “one decision can change your life.”  Coincidentally, I was speaking on the phone with my mother, informing her of my recent screw up, but how gracious God is because I had a peaceful day with a couple of friends who helped refresh my mind.  I felt so ashamed and alone in my sin that the first thing I wanted to do is seek isolation, but the Lord allowed me to share my pain with women who listened without judgment but still offered truth in love.  As I come out of my car and I extend my hand to open the door, the darkness hid this humongous snail that rested on the doorknob.  A little background on me and bugs… I HATE bugs!  I sweat, I scream, I freeze, and then I run for my life.  You would think a big ugly monster came out under my bed and went after to chase me.  The snail was probably a small one but being in the dark and not having the courage to move it or kill it with my shoe, I run back to my car and I lock myself in it, that’s in case the snail decides to follow me.  I hear my mother laugh, and remind myself that she is still on the phone.  She encourages me to get out of the car and face my fear of bugs by killing the darn thing.

I stubbornly refuse and remind her that my husband, Kenny,  must be on his home from work anyway and he will kill it.  She calls me silly and offers her help, which means she would drive 20 minutes to my house just to do the unthinkable.  I keep refusing her help.  Finally she gives me, what I at first think is, the dumbest solution.  She says to repeat these words after her, “In the name of my Lord Jesus Christ I command you snail to be moved!.”  Now I’m the one who thinks she’s silly and start laughing.  After hanging up with her, I courageously repeat her words and as I step in closer to the door, I see… NOTHING!  It, in fact, was moved!

So now I sit here, listening to Kari Jobe’s “Steady My Heart” repeatedly and thinking of this funny moment last night.  One moment and I had one choice, and I chose to run back to my car.  I realize I don’t do this just with bugs, but with real life situations too!  When I see things get hard and inconvenient, and as I feel my emotions rising to anew, I run, run, run… not the road of endurance as Paul commands us, but the road of cowardliness.  When I want to speak out, I rather keep quiet but my thoughts are yelling so loud that my brain physically hurts!  When the possibility of a new opportunity comes my way, I snooze and throw the faith card.  “If it’s for me, it’ll happen on its own..” Thank God I’m not a man or else I wouldn’t pursue anyone to marriage.  There’s no war, no blood, no sweat (except when I see a bug), no challenge.  When I’m confronted with injustice, I wave the white flag and cry wolf.  When my husband and I argue, I turn around and pretend I’m no longer upset.  I, again, pull out the white flag and wave it proudly… I surrender too easily.  When loved ones offer help, I don’t take it because I don’t want to become a nuisance.  My mother, for the hundredth millionth time, is right.  I’m stubborn and fearful.  I rather waste time locked inside my car, whereas God has the intention to show me something better… but first I must face the ugly monster.

There is such wisdom in mothers, mine always reminds me unconditional love is our goal on this Earth.  Peter agrees, “But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love.” (2 Peter 1:5-7).  To think that I don’t even master faith as well as I do fear, but faith is only the beginning of this race of endurance.  To faith we must add virtue and so on till it reaches love.  Right smack in the middle is what I lack the most, self-control.  Then I realize, that’s where I’ve failed!  I added vice to my fear, to vice ignorance, to ignorance I reacted impulsively and stubbornly to apathy and all which led to ungodliness and harshness and it ended in sin.

The good news is that with Christ, He renews our minds and refreshes our souls.  We’re not being renewed once in a year, but day by day.  “Even when it hurts, even when it’s hard,” He welcomes us with His mercies which are new every morning.  We must choose to run the race of endurance, not of cowardliness.  We must face our fears, as my life verse says: “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.” (2 Timothy 1:7).   He freely gifts us with His power through the Holy Spirit, but we must accept it in order for it to function as He desires.  It only took one word for that snail to be gone!

“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will keep My judgments and do them.”
-Ezekiel 36:26-27